just needed a space.

she tweeted " U have to open ur heart n accept new people u know"

I was surprised, she actually have that thought.

So, I replied to that tweet, saying "u telling urself dat ar?"

her "yea~~ how u know?"

me "actually I dun, I just wanna indirectly tell you cuz I'm still hoping."

And she favorited that, the end.

What does that even mean? I am really scared to think or expect anything already. I'm just hoping she will open her heart to me and accept me and I hope she will hv that thought cuz she thinks of me? FAK, I know that only will happen in my own created dream, but, hope. I don't think I even understand what is the meaning of "hope" any more. I'm hoping too much, too much. I become so numb already I guess but still sad.

After awhile I thought, maybe her mind has someone else when the tweeted the thought, not me in her mind. That person made her think she have to open her heart and accept new people (which is in her mind).

I don't know what to think any more.

She vividly told me that she has no feelings towards me but what is HOPE?

P.s. I hope i can let it all burn.

BAD DAY

Today, Monday, MONDAY BLUE is fine, whatever but thing's got kind of bad when I reached my school and only to realize that I'm actually driving a car without the front number plate!! The only good thing about today was, there isn't any police to notice about it, if not surely got a summon like no doubt. then, school no water! kitchen, no water. you have to cook, oily, this and that n no water. I doubt the things that we eat and the utensils and equipments are clean. Got back home, yea, before I continue. I am staying at the apartment, so it's like there is only one parking lot inside(means you passed the guard house) for each house. that one parking is my sister's parking lorh, so I park outside, yes, which I have to walk for about 6mins from the hse to the car or vice versa plus, if u got back home late and u have to park very far already, so basically i have to RUSH to get parking so I dont have to walk so far. so, I got back home and i went looking for the number plate and yes, I thank God it's on the floor. I picked it up n walk back home and trying to figure out how to fix it, at the end, i still have to go to the shop and fix it. Imagine, so late ad, if u move ur car and the parking will be gone when u got back and you have to park so farrrrrrrr. so fuck(sorry, really having bad mood now). so, i waited my sis to cum bek, i drove her car out den remove my car and park my sis car to book the place. have to be fast, if not i will be blocking the road. so i went fixing the the car, after fixing it i went buying drinking water bcz fucking hse no water liao!! Actually have water but at about 6smtg the water stops, i hvnt bathe. how fuck. I buy the water, then rain. when i reach home, i have to exchange the parking space again under the fucking rain! and transfer the two big bottle of water to my sis car under the fucking rain! and when i enter my sis car, it stops raining. wat the heck is this??!!!

Then, it comes to my crush. yea, just crush, NOT EVEN MINE. i just get to know that some guys likes her bla bla bla. fuck, really no mood to talk about it. then i got fucking emo(dono for WHAT cuz SHE IS NOT EVEN MINE), because it's like one whole day bad mood, u accumulate allll and that one fucking thing just blow it off.. urgghh, and i cant face her now. we are chatting wit each other tho. and yea, she knows i emo. I need to hide it, cuz it's her big day tmr! and she had a great day today, i just dowan to potong her stim u know..... FUCK.

P.s. I'm done

Secondhand Serenade ~ Your Call [cover]

P.s. number 11

The Used ~ Smother Me [cover]

P.s. i sort of screw this up.

A song to share.

)

P.s. I wish there's a girl who sincerely dedicate this song to me and mean it. :)

I am waiting...

Extended blog about the previews post.

For those of you who can't accept gay/les/bi, this song is for you.

Macklemore & Ryan Lewis ft Mary Lambert ~ Same Love

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hlVBg7_08n0

-No freedom till we're equal. Damn right I support it-

About me having a crush on her for 2years. In the middle of these 2 years, I did try and literally tried to fall for others because I know it's impossible for her to accept this relationship. I did not know at that moment that I will have this crush for so long. Moreover, I did not want to lose her even as a friend after she found out that I like her, I, myself thought it would be my last chance to chat with her that night after I confessed but it turns out differently.

P.s. I will always want to stress on this point. Hoping someday you will change your mind.

What's in my heart? This.

See I can't wake up

I'm living a nightmare

That keeps playing over again

Locked in a room

So hung up on you

And you're cool with just being friends

Left on the sidelines

Stuck at a red light

Waiting for my time

And I can't see

Why don't you love me?

Touch me

Tell me I'm your everything

The air you breathe

And why don't you love me?

Baby

Open up your heart tonight

Cuz I could me all that you need

Ohhhh

Why don't you love me?

Why don't you love me?

See I'm just to scared

To tell you the truth

Cuz my heartache can't take anymore

Broken and bruised

Longing for you

And I don't know what I'm waiting for

Left on the sidelines

Stuck at a red light

Waiting for my time

So just tell me

Why don't you love me?

Touch me

Tell me I'm your everything

The air you breathe

And why don't you love me?

Baby

Open up your heart tonight

Cuz I could be all that you need

Ohhh

Why don't you give me a reason?

(Give me a reason)

Please tell me the truth

(Please tell me the truth)

You know that I'll keep believing

(I'll keep believing)

Till I'm with you

Why don't you love me?

Kiss me

I can feel your heart tonight

It's killing me

So why don't you love me?

Touch me

Tell me I'm your everything

The air you breathe

And why don't you love me?

Baby

Open up your heart tonight

Cuz i could be all that you need

Ohhhhh

Why don't you love me? x5

Well, yes. It's a song and it says it all what's in my mind now.
Hot Chelle Rae ft Demi Lovato ~ Why Don't You Love Me

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-kznkmWy-Q0

I wrote all the lyrics out cuz it's really from the bottom of my heart. I wanted to dedicate this song to you but I don't know when it's the right time to do so and I decided to blog it out cuz
it's really killing me.

Why didn't I highlight the sentence

"why don't you give me a reason"?

because, you gave me 2 reasons already.

1. you are straight.

(although I still believing maybe someday you'll change your mind just for me?)

(I know I'm a fool here)

2. you didn't want any relationship now.

Other reasons you probably will tell me.

(although you haven't tell me, it's my thoughts)

I know if you were to choose to be with me, it's so difficult to face your family. Sometimes, I did think about getting an orphan to be mine so that she can accept me for who I am and no need to face her family. I know I'm selfish but I'm really done being hurt again and again. Other than all these, I really don't know why don't you give us a chance. Or maybe, you mind how other people look at you or us? Yea, probably you mind. It shows you don't love me because you can't accept me for who I am.

You're cool with just being friends.

Probably because we have been friends and I would say, we were really a close friends for quite some time.

About 2 years?

Yea, for those of you who doesn't know, I've a crush on her for about 2 years and she only knows it recently plus it's I confessed only she know. She is damn donkey like I always called her DONKEY! We are now still a very close friends, we text, talk on the phone, skype, hang out, etc like we used to for the past 2 years.

IT'S REALLY KILLING ME.

Is this a test?? I don't know.

I kept thinking, what if this is a test? and I'll fail the test if I choose to give up.

If is not test, I know its killing you too for having me hanging here.

If it's not a test, I do hope my love for you will fade and just love you as a friend.

I want you to tell me the truth but I'm really scared to know the truth.

If only it's a good news for me then I wouldn't mind listening to the truth for all my life.

P.s. I love you